Avoidant Attachment

An avoidant attachment style is a pattern where individuals steer clear of emotional closeness and tend to minimize the importance of intimate relationships, often as a way to protect themselves emotionally.

In relationships, anxious attachers often pair with avoidant partners, creating a push-pull dynamic. The more the anxious partner chases closeness, the more the avoidant partner feels suffocated and pulls back. This “dance” can repeat over and over.

What avoidants want in relationships, is a balance that allows for emotional connection without feeling overwhelmed, controlled, or losing their sense of self.

Avoidant attachment is a complex product of one’s upbringing, life events, and interpersonal interactions over time. It often begins as a child’s adaptive response to a less-than-nurturing environment, and it can be intensified by later heartbreaks or reinforced by certain relationship patterns in adulthood.

Although avoidant attachment may not simply get worse over time, its ongoing presence is likely to create more challenges and emotional burdens as a person moves through life.

Anxious and avoidant are two different types of insecure attachment styles. Anxious attachment is characterized by a high need for intimacy and approval, often fearing abandonment and being overly dependent on others. Avoidant attachment is marked by discomfort with closeness and a strong value for independence and self-sufficiency.

When dating someone with avoidant attachment style, maintain respect for their independence, give them space, avoid being overly emotional or clingy, and communicate your needs clearly without demanding immediate emotional intimacy.

Free and quick (5 minutes) attachment style quiz to explore how childhood conditioning can cause you to struggle with adult relationships.

Attachment styles refer to patterns of bonding that people learn as children and carry into their adult relationships. They're typically thought to originate from the type of care one received in their earliest years.